An Overview On 2008/2009 – YEAR OF BUILDING GENUINE RELATIONSHIPS
Genuine relationships – including all relationships, ranging from most general to most personal ones – can be broadly defined in different ways. Whatever its definition is, it requires continual, mutual commitments. Certainly, the relationship with God stands most vital, which in turn keep reminding me about the importance of the relationships with the people around me. I wrote about that in The Sabbath, a devotional sharing. This post shares an overview on what had happened for my past-one year. Of course, building genuine relationships is a never-ending process.
1. CONCERNING MY PRESENT FAMILY
First and foremost, I thank God and am glad that my parents and my brothers have accepted the Lord and are now walking with him. I have even decided to join them in the same Mandarin-speaking church (because I had been attending one communicating in English). Although there are still moments of trials, I pray we can grow strong and serve together for and with God. For The Ever-Greater Next-Moments is one of the devotional sharings most inspired by what had been happening in me and my family.
At the time being I have been continually keeping in touch only with my immediate family members (i.e. parents and brothers). Well, guess I gotta be more intentional in this area. Family is always the safest zone in my life whether I feel troubled or joyful.
谢谢你，爸，因为你坚强努力地工作赚钱养家。
你的毅力要成为全家人的榜样！
谢谢你，妈，你为家庭所付出的心思我们知晓。
还有你下的厨，我在沙巴时只能怀念，却不能品尝，唉！
也谢谢你们，垲峻（我的大哥）和阿豪（我的弟弟），我们兄弟要继续努力。
若上帝允许，我们将来要创大大的业！哈哈！
也谢谢你，阿姨，虽然我们很少联络，
但你每月的支助重重祝福了我在大学生涯的日子！哈哈！
也谢谢你们，二伯伯，三伯伯，大姑姑，大舅舅和二姑姑二姑丈。
虽然我也没常与你们联系，但你们所给的帮助，鼓励和指示都使我受益不浅！
阿公、阿嫲，和公公、婆婆，祝你们身体健康。
我每次回去都盼望着要吃你们做的爱心甜品和拿手好菜！哈哈！
Definitely, supports by the rest of the family are most acknowledged and appreciated. Thank you all!
2. CONCERNING MY OWN DREAM FAMILY
Besides, finding a life-companion remains my desperation. I had had a crush on a girl, as I had described in Finding A Girlfriend (the crush being resulted from a possible-to-be-misunderstood eye-contact), and, realistically saying, (1) I am still approaching to know the real her (hopefully not in vain) and (2) she also has yet to know the real me (if she’s ever interested to). Nevertheless, …
… even on a person one may have a crush,
if to share together there is nothing much,
nothing then it would be but a mere-emotional rush
if not a short-lived crush that awaits to be crushed.
Yet at that moment I will know what to do;
I just cannot and must not force my way through.
Throughout this past-one year, I deliberately put to test my feelings towards her, and what I’ve found is that she has remained rather passive (or in a non-initiating role) for most conversations or matters except (1) some greetings and (2) official matters (such as those related to my portfolio as an Exco of Student and Residence Service), and thus, I think, the existence of many barriers between us is obvious. Sigh… Whatever it may be, from now on, “Sever the desire, but not the relationship” is how I should respond, I believe.
Then, as a new beginning in this area of my life, Trusting In God As A Single spells out my heart, soul and mind regarding this major-issue in my campus (and future-working) life, in search of the right one lady.
I’d just like to thank her here for the encouragements she offered during some of those trying moments which I took the initiative to share with her in writing. Well, we are still friends. God will always give her the best.
3. CONCERNING MY FRIENDS
In the perspective of friendship, at the appropriate time, the Men’s Breakthrough Weekend (MBTW) organised by Skyline Church has been a blessing. While I am desperate for my right lady with whom I can share my whole life – and her life – I thank God for the men in my MBTW group (two married and one in courtship) that as we open-up each of our hearts and share a bit here and there, prayers are offered and advices are given by the elders, even for our own quite-personal matters. Although the MBTW has just begun during mid-year of 2009, I believe it will eventually result in more strong bonds of friendship. Am I Accepted Or Not? is a little devotional sharing related to friendship.
I thank my cell group, viz. Faith’s group, for being committed to the warm, friendly and relaxing Friday-evening moments every week, and Clive, Steven and Willy, thank you for what you’ve shared during the MBTW. And thank you, Nicolas, though my busy-ness might have taken its toll on our once-usual times of prayers and sharings. Also thank you, Zheng Feei and Chee Tze, for the occasional tea times where we could open our hearts to one another. And Liu Qing, thank you, too, for the encouragements you gave during some of those doubting moments which I had written about to you. And Rona, you who are staying over there in the Philippines, thank you as well, for the continual, authentic sharings through the chat-room and emails even though we’re far apart. And thank you all, those who have cared, prayed or concerned for me, your name may not have been mentioned here, but I pray God bless you always! Thank you.
4. CONCERNING MY MINISTRIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
In addition, relationships with bosses (in the case of students leaders, officers, deans, lecturers… etc), colleagues and subordinates are essential, with due regard to the importance of teamwork. Yet, it cannot be denied that problems exist among coursemates, housemates, colleagues (in student-led organisations), and so on. Leadership is another devotional sharings inspired amidst the trying times for the past-one year of my life especially as a student rep.
I thank all UMS staffs and all my colleagues and all coursemates and all fellow-workers alongside me in the Messiah. Thank you all for your commitments; you know that I am talking about you 
5. OVERCONCERNING ABOUT THE FUTURE
Lastly, there has been a battle in my mind: Over-concerning, or rather worrying, especially about the uncertainties lying in the future. Sometimes I just concern too much, about anything, at any time, any where… to the extent that such worries affect my relationships, performance in my studies, carrying out of my duties… etc. Nonetheless, there have been various ups and downs.
All in all, I thank you, God. I thank you not so much for the circumstances around me, but specially for your goodness and loving kindness to all people regardless during good or bad circumstances. About the worries, I guess I need a paradigm-shift; help me.
FINALLY
Undeniably, I have made mistakes. For instance, failing to manage myself in busy-ness and sometimes neglecting the importance of genuine relationships, or when students complained about campus bus service or inquire about some simple things, I got impatient quickly and responded too bluntly at times; I’ll continue to examine myself in these and many other areas of my life, and change accordingly.
Finally, I am still praying specifically about what I would like to focus on as (by the 25th of September, 2009) I have entered into the fifth year following the Messiah. May God bless you, too, as he leads you in all the things that you do.
Things I Should Have Done (A Good Friday’s Sharing)
Alighting from the bus this afternoon, I realised that I did not do the things I should have done properly. Passing a friend by, my mind was so focused on things and works that I overlooked greeting him/her or, even worse, his/her greeting to me. Waking up at 5am almost every day, instead of spending time in communion with God I had almost every time gone back to sleep.
Things like that happen often, and I am usually struck with a sense of guilt and sometimes depression at the moment I found that I did not do the things I should have done; something or someone is missing in my heart. That often makes me feel bad; that often makes those around me to feel bad. The disciples were not attentive, “… he found them asleep…” [Matt 26:43] and that, as we know, was followed by a disaster.
In today’s perspective, owing to mankind’s weakness many disastrous incidents happen, but we must not give up, “… All things are possible for God” [Mark 10:27]. Nevertheless, while no one knows whether the little things that we are doing will result in fruitfulness or a disaster, the important principle is that immediately when we hear from God we obey, now. What made Good Friday and Easter Sunday significant to us is this: hope is bestowed to the hopeless, and reconciliation to the deserted.
“Never let the sense of failure corrupt your new action.”
Oswald Chamber
Therefore, I must not let mere-guiltiness disable me. Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus; the assurance of forgiveness stems only from faith in the unique Son of God – “… I resolved to know nothing except Jesus the Messiah, and him crucified…” [1Cor 2:2]. From such faith comes the confidence to dare to fail and try again (not the license to sin and sin again).
And I believe this is the essence of Easter Sunday commemorating Jesus’ resurrection: “… not be based on human wisdom but on God’s power…” [v. 5]. It is an ever-renewing life to see God’s greatness despite our weaknesses; it is the reality of Emmanuel – God is with us.
Friends, are you and I living in communion with the Risen Lord daily and continually? Or is that kind of reality… far from us?
A Sad SAD Situation? (A Valentine’s Day Sharing)
“It’s sad, so sad; it’s a sad sad situation… Sorry seems to be the hardest word…” How many of you know that song by Elton John? Well, actually it’s not that I am sorry for this, but I had truly been through a really sad SAD situation – a sad Single, Available and Desperate situation. This is because I kept thinking, “I’m single, available and desperate, but not ready yet.”
‘Don’t Cry, Joni’ is another song that will surely intensify the desperation of any single, young man who listens to it. I don’t know how about the ladies, but any man who knows this sweet yet sad classic knows that it is all about “Don’t wait too long! Engage her before another man does, or else regret your hesitation.” (I’m talking about finding a life partner.) Of course, not all people – actually, no one wants to – end up so sad as the poor Jimmy in that song ‘Don’t Cry, Joni’ did.
I understand why many people, including my parents and grandparents, keep asking me about whether I have found a girlfriend or not. I have my own reasons why I am not ready for a date or a courtship (yet). And thank God many people shared their experience openly with me. Now, although I may have a girl in my mind, and even though I had worried that I might be ‘25-minutes too late’ to express my affection, through this dilemma of whether to get involved in courtship or not…
**… I am learning…
how love is different from lust,
and how to wait, and how to trust.
I am still learning…
how to stay in touch… although sometimes in the past
the time we spent together… did not seem to last.**
That can be the chorus of one of the songs of my life!
Prepare First, Then Only Look For One
“If you are not prepared for marriage, then it’s better to not get involved (in a romantic relationship) at all!”
No matter how ‘desperate’ I am now, preparing myself to be a life partner must precede looking for a life partner, so that even if I am still single, available and desperate, I do not fall into a sad SAD situation in my heart or in my mind. Any thought or feeling of ‘singlehood insecurity’ stems from my own fault – I have forgotten if not ignored the genuine relationship I have had (or I should have been having) with God as well as with my family, relatives and friends.
TO CONCLUDE:
I should now keep in touch with all the friends who are around me. Although I am currently attracted to and infatuated with her, I shall draw the line so that I am a friend to her just like I am to a few other people; I should find out more about her and about myself first. I believe it is wiser that I learn to hear, obey God and live my life in holiness as her friend and as an individual myself first, instead of leaping desperately, impulsively and uncertainly into any commitment – commitment that in any moment arouses me to say any words or to behave in any way which signifies ‘till death do we part’ – with her; I think it is better for me to not have a dating or a courtship with anybody, than to cause that somebody (and myself) to go through a struggle of overcoming the hurts, disappointments and awkwardness of a break-up’s aftermath, unnecessarily. I am desperate for a genuine courtship, not an impulsive or an uncertain one!
“What if someone else gets to her first before I do? What if it’s too late for me?” Oh, come on! (I’ll just repeat **chorus**.)
“We do not fall in love with somebody, we cannot; we may fall into an infatuation, but we grow, not fall, in love (together).”
So, am I just merely infatuated with her and nothing else? (I guess I have to go back to the conclusion above.)
Note: The target-readers of this sharing, like Finding A Girlfriend, are those who are single, available and desperate, not those who are dating or courting (as I don’t have that kind of experience to write such sharing), much less to say those who are married.
A Happy Birthday In The Campus
My family was away during my birthday, and of course they remembered me . Well, I have had marvellous birthday celebrations here in Sabah. Last year it was in my previous pastor, Clarence, house together with a few friends. This year was different; I was spending my birthday in the campus, happily. Although I post this a bit late, I would like to thank all of you who remembered my birthday.
To SSMP 2nd year friends,
Thanks for the birthday party and the nice shirt, it suits me very well.
To Campus ABLAZErs,
The birthday cake was special, indeed! Yet, thanks but no thanks for the water splashing surprise! I’ll never forget that!
To my one of my gangs in the campus,
Thank you for bringing me to KFC and for the nice cup, I’ve already brought it to my office table. HEHE, you know what I’m talking about.
I would also like to thank those who have given great gifts to me. Thank you all!
I’ve just turned 22. This year is a challenging year for me especially in the area of management and academic, not to mention the big theme for me this year – the year of building genuine relationships.
All of you have made 12th of January memorable for me this year, thank you!
Post-Election Thoughts
Thank God I made it through the UMS Election into the Student Council or Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar (MPP), which had its first meeting yesterday noon. The post I am in charge of will be disclosed on Wednesday in our second meeting.
I would like to thank all of my friends who came out to vote last Thursday, much more those who helped me campaigned by distributing flyers, spreading SMSs as well as hanging banners and posters before the election. Thank you all, indeed!
Friends
Friends matter in campus life. “You may have met hundreds of people, but there’s no way you can really know more than a handful of people. You’d be lucky if you had three real friends.” – [Source unknown]
“I realised that I had a thousand acquaintances but, at that moment in time, less than three genuine friends. I have worked on this area of my life, and today I believe I have five real friends including my wife.”
Patrick Morley, author of the Man in the Mirror
A Warning From Heaven
Just a day after the election result was finalised, I cried out to God and asked him to help me through this coming one year to be strong while serving in the Student Council. And during the afternoon nap that same day, I had two dreams. Now, not all dreams come from God or his angels. Some dreams are just dreams and nothing else, and some dreams come from the devil. We must not believe in every spirit. “Instead, test the spirits to see whether they are from God,” – [1John 4:1] and, “… the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things…” – Jesus – [John 14:26], for every person who believes in God’s only Son has his Spirit living in that person. [1 Corinth 12:3]
Dream 1
I was climbing up an ancient tall tower. After I reached the top and took what I wanted – which is a treasure looked like purified silver – I saw myself rushing back home, and there was my younger brother offering himself freely to help all the way through, going up to and down from the top of the tower while taking stuffs such as the tools and equipments for me, as I was carrying the heavy treasure on my hand. At one moment on the way going down the tower staircase, I saw my younger brother looking at me bitterly.
Dream 2
I was sick – just a mild sickness. I saw myself standing in front of a modern clinic, where a voice asked me, “Are you alone?”, to which I replied, “I have a group of 5 friends with me.”
After ‘Dream 1’ and ‘Dream 2’, I woke up. Those two dreams were from God,
1) The first dream reminded me of the importance of the relationship within my family. Am I distracted by earthly treasures, to the extent that I neglect the relationship with my family members? My family is not around with me in Sabah, this is a warning from God so that I keep in touch with my family.
2) The second dream reminded me of my relationships with the people around me in Sabah, especially my friends. When I am down, do I look only to my own problems and pay no attention to my friends who are there with me and who are concerned for me?
Our Father in heaven speaks into our lives at his sovereignty (God’s instructions can come through not only the Bible and the Church, but also our parents, dreams, visions, the elders, our teachers, our friends, the children, and even our enemies), and when he does that, we must make sure we respond correctly according his Spirit and his Word.
Practical
Campus life as an MPP member may be busy, but let’s keep one another in prayer so that as we stay close to Jesus, the best friend we can ever have, we also make every effort to express our love in action and in truth to our family and friends while we’re still alive on earth.
“This is my commandment: that you love one another as I have loved you. No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant does not know what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”
Jesus – [Gospel of John 15:12-15]
My Theme In The Fourth Year
After the 3rd reunion anniversary with my Father was a week of holidays. As I spend some time quietly with God, I was kept being reminded about the importance of genuine relationships over religion, and this is my personal theme for the fourth year of my Christian life,
Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Paul – [The First Letter to the Corinthians 13:13]
Campus life can sometimes be busy and stressful – we are human – and many times people find relief through religion. Nevertheless, I can go to and serve in church, serve in university and in school while keep studying hard to maintain if not improve my academic performance – I can do all those things and still not having a genuine relationship with my Father and his loved ones – you and I are his loved ones.
To practise mere religion is to have no relationship with God at all. Relationship is grown deeper between two beings only when one is continually communing with another. Mere merits through good deeds and ritualistic practices relate to religion, but a genuine relationship through Love, Hope and Faith leads us directly to God himself and, when we remain one with God,
“At that time you will know that I am in my Father, that you are in me, and that I am in you… the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things…”
Jesus – [John 14:20, 26]
Love, Hope and Faith underlie the foundation of genuine relationship between God and mankind. These principles are applicable among mankind ourselves as well. In my coming articles I will share about this theme of my 2008/09 term in University Malaysia Sabah (UMS), stressing on the importance on genuine relationships over mere religion. After that I’ll share my thoughts on Love, then Hope, and lastly Faith. But, as the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” Pray that I’ll really grow in God this year.
The 3rd Reunion Anniversary With My Father
I forgot when I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour (maybe around April, 2005) but I remember vividly the time I was first baptised – 25th September, 2005 (baptism simply means that I declare publicly, “I’m a Christian. Jesus is my Lord forever!”) So I just make this day a special day for myself in remembrance of the Reunion with my Father in heaven.
This sharing is also a sequel to my previous article ‘Mere Impressions and Clear Instructions’.
Jesus’ words recorded in the Bible are in red colour.
“The wind blows where it wants to. You hear its sound, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going. That’s the way it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Jesus – [Gospel of John 3:8]
God’s clear instruction for us truly come with deep impression in our hearts (or our spirits), but our mere impressions after that might not always mean that they come from God. Our faith in God can only be consolidated through continually listening to and believing in God’s clear instructions (or what God has said) – “That’s the way it is…” Conversely, those who believe (or have faith) in themselves do so by their human/fallen/sinful nature; they follow their own thoughts, only hold to their individual principle and nothing else – “… they don’t know what they’re doing.” [Luke 23:34] (No one is immune to the human nature; I once lived like that, too, and it’s shameful to see the sins I’ve done with such nature! Thank God that, through his Son who takes away the sins and shames of the world, his Spirit restores the New nature into everyone who is willing to believe and follow him. But if I’m not careful, I may repeat the same mistake. Therefore, I hereby also sincerely apologise for all my wrong doings that may have hurt you or made you stumble, if you know me personally. Forgive me… more than that, pray for each other that we may stay close to Jesus, who is the one and only man that lived perfectly sinless on earth, and learn from him.)
To focus our minds on the human nature leads to death, but to focus our minds on the Spirit leads to life and peace. That is why the mind that focuses on human nature is hostile toward God. It refuses to submit to the authority of God’s law because it is powerless to do so. Indeed, those who are under the control of human nature cannot please God.
Paul – [The Letter to the Romans 8:7-8]
… about Hui Yi’s Testimony
Let us consider the case of Tee Hui Yi, the miracle girl last december in Malaysia who has undergone two heart-transplant surgeries and survived. This was her encounter,
“It was two days after my second transplant. As I was resting, each time I closed my eyes, I saw him. He had dark eyebrows and long curly hair. It was Yesus! I knew him from pictures I had seen of him. He looked at me with eyes that seemed to tell me, ‘I will take care of you,’ and seemed to invite me to trust him.”
Tee Hui Yi – [Interview in Asian Beacon, Vol. 40 No. 2, page 24-25]
Indeed, “The wind blows where it wants to. You hear its sound…” is no longer an analogy of the wind but a Reality of the Spirit, who revealed Jesus to Hui Yi. Now, will Hui Yi, after her encounter with the Spirit of God (and being deeply impressed), grow faith by keeping on closing her eyes and desiring to see the Jesus in visions or dreams again and again? No, of course! If she thinks (or relies on her mere impression) that she can grow faith like that, she will surely be very disappointed at the end of the day; the move of God’s Spirit is not under anyone’s manipulation; he is sovereign (or he works in his own way), “…you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going.” The only way to grow faith is only through continually listening to and believing in God’s clear instructions – “That’s the way it is….”
… about My Testimony
To be frank, I don’t personally know Tee Hui Yi or how she is now; I just read about her testimony in the magazine. Here, this is my own testimony on conversion:
(We dream when we’re asleep; we see vision when we’re awake.) Some spirits came to me through dreams and visions at different nights to impress me, “I am Jesus,” or, “I’m sent by Jesus,” so that I follow the instructions given by them; now, who was the real one? It was fearful, that’s the problem; God is love and ‘there is no fear where love exists.’ – [1John 4:18] They were not from God but were just gods and spirits – they’re liars. So I thought (or impressed on myself that), ‘How I wished to see the real Jesus in my vision or dream so that my faith in God can be boosted! I think that should be the way. Yes, God, please reveal yourself to me so that I can see you, because I’m so confused by those liars now that I find no meaning to continue my life!’
As a result (on the contrary), I was hit from disappointment to disappointment, seeing the false spirits, who deceptively came with ‘good intentions’ (e.g. they quoted the Bible and claimed that they were angels from God!). Those days (during Form 6 or Pre-University period) of spiritual darkness were tough for me. Without the Word of God, I might not be here today to share with you. The Word of the Father authored by his Son and enlightened/instructed by his Spirit* is the only weapon against the camouflaged visions, dreams and voices/instructions of the Enemy given by liars, whether these liars are living humans or deadliest daemons!
“Is it because you have seen me that you have believed? How blessed are those who have never seen me and yet have believed!”
Jesus – [Gospel of John 20:29]
*Source: Smith Wigglesworth’s sermon on “The Author and Perfector of Faith”
… about Mere Impressions and Clear Instructions
“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you have known me, you will also know my Father.”
Jesus – [Gospel of John 14:6]
Dear friends, have you known Jesus, so that you also know the Father and thus live by his clear instructions? Or has it often been a sad lament, “I have not kept in touch with the Father; he seems like hiding away from me,” or worse still, “I don’t know who my Father is or what he wants,” so that you live by your mere impressions? I ask those questions daily to myself, too. God is God whether we believe in him or not, so why resist him (and estrange ourselves from him)? Friends, the Father is always eagerly waiting for us, so that we will turn back to him and embrace him (with tears of joy)! Remember: God loves you whoever you are; he sent his Son to die for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins and be healed and restored by his Spirit in order to receive eternal life. “And this is eternal life: to know you, the only true God, and the one whom you sent — Jesus the Messiah.” – That was Jesus’ prayer to his Father (at the critical time before going through the Great Suffering on the Cross) for us – “Sanctify them by the truth. Your word is truth.” [John 17:3, 17]
ONE more indirect lesson: If you find it difficult to follow this God whose Son has died for us, pray (and listen to the clear instructions of his Spirit); the reason for us to pray is that Jesus did so; only this perfectly sinless Man is qualified to be our highest Teacher and Example (on earth); follow Jesus; only believe!
Mere Impressions and Clear Instructions
“The wind blows where it wants to. You hear its sound, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going. That’s the way it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Jesus – [Gospel of John 3:8]
God’s instructions are not received through mere impression or feeling. I can feel like I want to do many good works or be impressed in my heart to serve God in this or that way and still not be doing God’s instructions. A man of God made this point very clear in his sermon ‘How To Discern Voices’,
“Was it of God? That is the first thing. It was an impression, coming from a desire to be something special. That’s the danger…”
Smith Wigglesworth
“The wind blows where it wants to. You hear its sound…” Indeed, God’s clear instructions truly come with deep impressions, but mere impressions do not always mean that they come from God.
… about Human Nature
Finding A Girlfriend (Revised Edition)
Note:
The prelude to this story is my previous article ‘Loneliness’.
- A Letter To Those Around My Age, 21 -
To my friends, especially those in UMS and all my former schoolmates,
Let the story begin…
Both of us had known each other for a few years; a nice girl to mix with, and very well behaved, she’s a quiet person, but no one can deny her beauty. I had not failed to expect to see her at ‘a place’ we usually went to and, if I saw her, I would do everything I could just to catch her attention and say, “Hi!”, and then start a conversation, even a short one would suffice.
One day, in that place, there she was passing me by in front of me; I was sitting, looking at her as she was walking away from my seat. She was heading home. “Oops!” Something dropped to the ground, and I just couldn’t turn my sight away from her when she was reaching her hands down to pick it up. Afterwards, to my surprise, she turned and looked at me straight into my eyes, I didn’t shun away; we’re all by ourselves in a small little space with just a glass door separating us – no one was around to distract us, and this time we had an eye-to-eye contact, without talking to each other, for quite a while. I didn’t know how she felt and what she was thinking, but as for me, I felt very excited inside my heart, though I appeared not to be, and thought ‘I think I’m in love’ at that moment before she went home.
Truly, those feelings and thoughts were intense… indescribable.
After that, I pondered on my life, and a feeling of loneliness crept into my heart, troubling me. I immediately whispered something in response to it,
“Father in heaven, I know you said that there’s a season for everything under heaven. Now, tell me, can I start a relationship with her? In Jesus’ name I pray… ”
It was on a Saturday’s morning that I prayed that prayer. That very night I went to the youth meeting as usual. So then, my friends and I listened attentively as the pastor spoke on the topic of ‘Music and its origin.’ Half-way through the talk, the pastor, after looking up for a moment as if he was interrupted, switched the subject to ‘Boy and girl relationship (BGR) – Dating and/or Courtship’, giving a short but stern reason before doing so. This was the reason and the way he said it,
“There must be someone here who is troubled and is asking God about BGR. Now, listen to me, you… don’t be foolish! Never be involved in a BGR before graduating from the university! During campus life, you must mix with all kinds of friends… but never be involved in any dating or courtship!”
Pastor
That was of course obviously irrelevant to ‘Music and its origin’, but then he went on sharing with us all about BGR, advising us and telling us from stories to stories, and we youth were always very interested in such stories. Now, I did not tell my pastor that I had prayed the above mentioned prayer, and he also did not notice that I was trying my best to keep the tears in my eyes from flowing while I listened to him – I was touched and very much alarmed in my heart! (My pastor, unless someone had told him, does not know about this until today.)
As for the ‘feeling of loneliness’… I say goodbye to it. It is but a lie of the devil, should it trouble me to the extent that I think of all sorts of evils – immoralities, rejection, lack of confidence, impurities… etc. However, now, as I look at it positively, I realise that it was a deep yearn inside my heart that drew me to call out, “Father in heaven, can I… ” and then came the answer – “No, not now.” – and I wept as I went back home alone that day, not because my request was halted, but because I was touched by the way God cared for me.
Today, I am still keeping in touch with that special girl. I know the boundary I should set – just friend – and I must test everything before I decide for a courtship because relationship, I believe, does not depend on feeling alone.
My personal opinion on finding a girlfriend during university
Dear friends,
Why do I share this? While I don’t have the experience eligible to suggest that the urge of dating should be resisted during the campus life, I just can tell you that God cares for every one of us. Well, this is what I want to say,
At that moment I asked him, “Can I begin a courtship with her?”
He sent a pastor, giving me just a simple answer, “No, not yet.”
I thank God someone told me the Good News.
Otherwise, I would have decided everything on my own.
Truly, I have all the right and will to say, “I wanna find myself a girlfriend,”
but nothing is more important than to obey God’s clear instruction.
This is the Good News for us,
Jesus loves us; he desires to commune with us.
Now, about 2 years later – I’m studying in University Sabah Malaysia,
and after much knowledge instilled in me,
as I keep growing in Christ Jesus, my Teacher,
only then I realise – I’m not at all ready yet to have a girlfriend.
Oh… I was about to step out and start dating her!
Oh… what if I didn’t obey after God answered my prayer?
So I found that in everything we do, we must remain in communion with God.
Truly, that prayer is life-impacting for me!
Indeed, God never fails to show himself faithful to his children.
What can I say, friend? “Finding a girlfriend” seems to be a big and important issue for me personally. Yet personal needs are secondary to the plan of the One in whom everything is made perfect. Human will can be good and pleasing sometimes, but it is never perfect by itself. I don’t know when will I be ready to find a mate and marry her, though I could plan about it. However, a living principle that I hold on to is:
Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God’s will is — what is good, pleasing, and perfect.
Paul of Tarsus – [The Letter to the Romans; chapter 12 verse 2]
This world says to me, “If you do not date one partner during university,” often with a ‘wondering why’ manner, “You’re just so traditional, don’t you think it’s boring?” or it may trigger me to get worried, “Don’t regret then, you would have missed the greatest opportunity given in the campus life.”
Well, finding a girlfriend now may seem good and pleasing to me, but my will must be in line with God’s. I never seek a perfect life – that’s impossible, but I do desire for a better life – every one does. What is the will of God for me, then? To be frank, personally, I don’t really know much yet. Nevertheless, generally, everything is written in the Bible, the Word of God. Say for example the above quote on Paul of Tarsus in his Letter to the Romans, try to read on the rest of chapter 12 and we’ll know the general will of God, which will direct our mind to look at the right perspectives and priorities.
Finally and most practically
So friends, what can I do now? Read, listen, understand and do the words of God ministered to me – practise what has already been made known… everyday! Growth is a process, and God’s will for me in my personal life shall be revealed by his Spirit, not too early and not too late – at the exact time, not only about BGR, but also in every other areas of my life, according to his precious and wonderful promises recorded in the Bible.
What about… that special girl? They say campus life is the best opportunity! Well, be friend first, however, NO DATING YET for me; I’ll draw a line – just friend… even after graduation when I’m in my workplace… until after I examine myself (and her, of course) thoroughly… then baru saya tengok ada ‘feeling’ atau tidak lah! *(Grins)
“Marry your best friend (till the day you die).”
Pastor Chris Kam - [DUMC’s Floodgates Magazine: Issue 44, page 19]
I don’t know how about you, friends, but are you willing to ask, “Father in heaven, … in Jesus’ name I pray,” and wait on God as you keep doing the words ministered to you and continually discover his general will first? If you are willing, then start with the Good News.
God bless you in finding your life-long mate…
Do consider the Good News,
CHRIS
- End of Letter-
The Sequence of this Sharing >>> A Sad SAD Situation? (A Valentine’s Day Sharing)
