A Sad SAD Situation? (A Valentine’s Day Sharing)
“It’s sad, so sad; it’s a sad sad situation… Sorry seems to be the hardest word…” How many of you know that song by Elton John? Well, actually it’s not that I am sorry for this, but I had truly been through a really sad SAD situation – a sad Single, Available and Desperate situation. This is because I kept thinking, “I’m single, available and desperate, but not ready yet.”
‘Don’t Cry, Joni’ is another song that will surely intensify the desperation of any single, young man who listens to it. I don’t know how about the ladies, but any man who knows this sweet yet sad classic knows that it is all about “Don’t wait too long! Engage her before another man does, or else regret your hesitation.” (I’m talking about finding a life partner.) Of course, not all people – actually, no one wants to – end up so sad as the poor Jimmy in that song ‘Don’t Cry, Joni’ did.
I understand why many people, including my parents and grandparents, keep asking me about whether I have found a girlfriend or not. I have my own reasons why I am not ready for a date or a courtship (yet). And thank God many people shared their experience openly with me. Now, although I may have a girl in my mind, and even though I had worried that I might be ‘25-minutes too late’ to express my affection, through this dilemma of whether to get involved in courtship or not…
**… I am learning…
how love is different from lust,
and how to wait, and how to trust.
I am still learning…
how to stay in touch… although sometimes in the past
the time we spent together… did not seem to last.**
That can be the chorus of one of the songs of my life!
Prepare First, Then Only Look For One
“If you are not prepared for marriage, then it’s better to not get involved (in a romantic relationship) at all!”
No matter how ‘desperate’ I am now, preparing myself to be a life partner must precede looking for a life partner, so that even if I am still single, available and desperate, I do not fall into a sad SAD situation in my heart or in my mind. Any thought or feeling of ‘singlehood insecurity’ stems from my own fault – I have forgotten if not ignored the genuine relationship I have had (or I should have been having) with God as well as with my family, relatives and friends.
TO CONCLUDE:
I should now keep in touch with all the friends who are around me. Although I am currently attracted to and infatuated with her, I shall draw the line so that I am a friend to her just like I am to a few other people; I should find out more about her and about myself first. I believe it is wiser that I learn to hear, obey God and live my life in holiness as her friend and as an individual myself first, instead of leaping desperately, impulsively and uncertainly into any commitment – commitment that in any moment arouses me to say any words or to behave in any way which signifies ‘till death do we part’ – with her; I think it is better for me to not have a dating or a courtship with anybody, than to cause that somebody (and myself) to go through a struggle of overcoming the hurts, disappointments and awkwardness of a break-up’s aftermath, unnecessarily. I am desperate for a genuine courtship, not an impulsive or an uncertain one!
“What if someone else gets to her first before I do? What if it’s too late for me?” Oh, come on! (I’ll just repeat **chorus**.)
“We do not fall in love with somebody, we cannot; we may fall into an infatuation, but we grow, not fall, in love (together).”
So, am I just merely infatuated with her and nothing else? (I guess I have to go back to the conclusion above.)
Note: The target-readers of this sharing, like Finding A Girlfriend, are those who are single, available and desperate, not those who are dating or courting (as I don’t have that kind of experience to write such sharing), much less to say those who are married.
Passion and Faith
Joseph Prince, a prominent Singaporean speaker, once warned all the girls and women who are still single: “Before you choose a man to be your life partner and decide to marry him, never mistake his zealousness for his faithfulness… A man can be a great leader of various ministries and yet fails to be faithful to God or to his wife.”
Zeal or passion is an outward expression of a person’s inward faith, the genuine source of which is Jesus – “… the pioneer and perfecter of the faith…” [Hebrew 12:2]. First and foremost, I must beware of having mere-passion; I agree with Wigglesworth, “I find you can have zeal without faith.” I must remember how Peter had sunk not long after walking on the water.
Peter answered him, “Lord, if it’s you, order me to come to you on the water.” Jesus said, “Come on!” So Peter got down out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came to Jesus.
How passionate Peter was… for a while…
But when he noticed the strong wind, he was frightened. As he began to sink, he shouted, “Lord, save me!”At once Jesus reached out his hand, caught him, and asked him, “You who have so little faith, why did you doubt?” As they got into the boat, the wind stopped blowing. Then the men in the boat began to worship Jesus, saying, “You certainly are the Son of God!”
[Gospel of Matthew 14:28-33]
Secondly, acknowledging that passion and faith must come together, I must also know in what manner of passion I am expressing my faith. The faith that comes from any source(s) other than the genuine Source always results in a short-lived if not counterfeit passion, which can be attractive to or repulsive against the people around. Such kind of faith either awaits a rebuke or will be proved fruitless eventually. For instance, remember how James and John were so filled with zeal that they wanted call fire down from heaven!
When his disciples James and John observed this rejection, they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?” But he turned and rebuked them, saying, “You don’t know what kind of spirit you are! For the Son of Man did not come to destroy the souls of men, but to save them.”
[Gospel of Luke 9:54-56]
All of us go through moments of trials and temptations. During those moments, in one sense I grieve because of sins – my sins or others’, but in another sense I learn to rejoice because I will, being led by the Spirit of the Messiah, know more about myself – (1) whether my passion is a mere-passion or it is accompanied by faith and (2) if I say I’m moving by faith, whether my faith is drawn from the genuine Source or not – and I will then be able to change myself as I (continually) listen to and obey God’s clear instructions; I will then learn the difference between ‘holding to an outward form of godliness but denying its power’ [2Tim 3:5] and ‘having been rooted in Christ and are being built-up and strengthened in the faith’ [Col 2:7], pursuing the latter with joy and thankfulness, in the moments which are meant to test my faith.
